


isn't it hard to make up your mind, when you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

by AnotherGayEllen



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: (it's not quite a chanukah fic but it's chanukah and they talk about it), Banter, Canon Compliant, Chanukah, Cheating, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, New Year's Eve, POV Third Person, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28014345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherGayEllen/pseuds/AnotherGayEllen
Summary: He gets to the top of the staircase in a hurry and pauses with his hand on the doorknob. Marvin’s heart is beating fast, though it’s less out of excitement as it is out of fear. This is risky, he knows that, but he knew tonight was going to be a bore before it even began and he would be correct. Marvin just - really wants to see him right now.Marvin straightens his suit, adjusts his scarf over his shoulders, and fixes his hair before opening the door to the roof, giving him the back view of a beautiful man in a white button-up and tight navy blue pants against the skyline of New York City.Whizzer looks over his shoulder just enough to see him at the corner of his eye but doesn’t turn around. Ever the dramatic. “Marvin.”Marvin puts his hands into his pockets and lets the door fall shut as he attempts to appear as nonchalant as his date does. “Whizzer.”Or; New York, January 1st of 1979, just past midnight - Marvin and Whizzer meet on the roof of Marvin's New Year office party.
Relationships: Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 45





	isn't it hard to make up your mind, when you're losing and your fuse is fireside?

**Author's Note:**

> to the goyish people out there, "Chanukah sameach" is a way of wishing happy chanukah, a menorah is a candelabrum that holds the lights for each day of the holiday, and latkes are traditional chanukah food (I'm goyish so if any Jewish people want to correct me on something please do!!) ok ur good to go

Marvin places his fourth glass of champagne on a nearby tray as he maneuvers through the crowd. Loud, well-dressed men and women move around the room exchanging hugs and handshakes with people they barely know, in the name of the new year. 

Marvin is mentally exhausted. The night up to this point was spent powering through repetitive conversations with boring people whom he wouldn’t give the time of day if it wasn’t for work, and he feels that if he has to do so for one more minute, he will lose his shit. Oh, the joy of office parties.  Having something to look forward to has really been the saving grace. 

He moves forward through the frenzied crowd, constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure his wife doesn’t see where he’s going. Marvin sees Trina from afar with a big, friendly smile plastered on, distracted by participating in the celebratory hugs and handshakes despite the fact that neither of the couple even really celebrate new year’s today – the Jewish calendar is different, Rosh Hashanah was in October. Not that any of these assholes would give a shit. 

Not to mention that it’s the eighth night of Hanukkah and Jason is having to spend the night at Trina’s parents’, which is just  _ great _ . But like it or not, if you want to get on the boss' good graces, these holiday events matter. And he had already missed the Christmas party, so.

With Trina occupied and Marvin having participated in his fair share of two-pats-on-the-back-hugs and weirdly-aggressive-handshakes, he heads to the emergency stairs. It’s only one flight of stairs and the elevator would probably draw more attention.

He gets to the top of the staircase in a hurry and pauses with his hand on the doorknob. Marvin’s heart is beating fast, though it’s less out of excitement as it is out of fear. This is risky, he knows that, but he knew tonight was going to be a bore before it even began and he would be correct. Marvin just - really wants to see him right now.

He straightens his suit, adjusts his scarf over his shoulders, and fixes his hair before opening the door to the roof, giving him the back view of a beautiful man in a white button-up and tight navy blue pants against the skyline of New York City. 

Whizzer looks over his shoulder just enough to see him at the corner of his eye but doesn’t turn around. Ever the dramatic. “Marvin.”

Marvin puts his hands into his pockets and lets the door fall shut as he attempts to appear as nonchalant as his date does. “Whizzer.”

The noise of the party becomes muted as the door is shut and Whizzer turns around to face him, finally. Both men take in the sight of one another as they let the moment settle and themselves be washed over by it, by the night sky and the wuthering wind.

Whizzer is wearing black gloves and carries a large grey winter cold folded over his arm, one that Marvin can recognize as having bought himself at the beginning of December ( _ ‘you can’t possibly expect me to use last year’s coats, Marvin’ _ ). His shirt is perfectly pressed and its top two buttons are undone, and his hair is carefully styled to frame his face; looking handsome as ever. But it is fairly cold outside.

“How are you not freezing?”

Whizzer lets out a shuddering breath but keeps his composure. “Making an impression comes with a price.”

Whizzer does make it a priority to make himself look untouchably perfect, like a man straight out of other men’s dreams (he told him that himself). And Marvin certainly doesn’t complain. But even though by now Marvin has seen Whizzer in his unflattering moments, and he has looked more human (which can sort of feel like a relief), Marvin has never not found him handsome.

Marvin stops himself before he can say anything. He walks a few steps to the left and looks around the corner of the top of the building.

“We’re alone,” Whizzer assures him, seeming only slightly bothered by the nuisance. He crosses his arms. “I checked.”

Marvin nods, turning to Whizzer but averting his gaze. He doesn’t like having to be wary any more than Whizzer does but they can’t afford to be indiscreet, there’s too much on the line. There always is for them.

He looks at Whizzer once again with a shy grin. “I was going to say you do look good in white.”

“I know,” he replies, taking slow steps towards Marvin with a smug look on his face. Whizzer gives him a once-over. “You picked out a pretty decent outfit for once.”

Marvin’s grin grows and he puts a hand over his heart sarcastically. “Whizzer, you’re too kind.” 

Whizzer walks past Marvin and goes around the top of the building to the part of the roof not facing the door, to give them more privacy. He knows Marvin will follow, and Marvin does.

He nears the low ice-covered brick wall and waits for Marvin to join him. “This is a pretty view.”

“I can think of better ones.” He glances down Whizzer’s body as he follows behind to stand next to him. 

Whizzer laughs despite his eye roll. "Predictable, Marvin. Is that the best you can do?"

"You've seen the best I can do," he says in a smug tone and with a raised eyebrow. 

Whizzer straightens his back. "I have, and honestly?” He squints his eyes and pretends to think. “I'm not impressed."

It’s Marvin’s turn to roll his eyes. He then shows a self-satisfied grin. "And yet here you are.”

"Here I am,” Whizzer sighs, feigning disappointment in himself. He glances at the view before turning back to Marvin. “What can I say? I make terrible decisions when I'm horny."

Marvin scoffs, only half-playful. He turns to stare down at the city.  _ That’s starting to sting.  _

They’ve been together for about three months, and though Marvin can’t really say if that is or isn’t a considerable amount of time (it’s sort of an unusual situation), he knows that he likes Whizzer. He likes spending time with him, and he likes joking around with him, and he even likes fighting with him (well, for the most part). 

Marvin’s life has been filled with either unbearable bore or crushing failure, and Whizzer does more than make it better, being with him makes Marvin feel alive _ \-  _ for what feels like the first time. And he  _ likes  _ him.

But whenever Whizzer gets the chance, he reminds Marvin that this doesn’t mean half as much to him as it does to Marvin. It isn’t about being with him, it’s about sex and money.

Wait- "...You do know we're not gonna have sex on the roof, right?"

Whizzer glares at him with a baffled and slightly offended look. "Own, not even a little over the clothes?” he ironizes. “Yes, Marvin, I know we're not gonna have sex on the roof, jeez."

"Alright, it's just-"

Whizzer interrupts. "It could be kind of cool to have sex on a roof though…" he says with squinted eyes and pursed lips

Marvin shakes his head suppressing a laugh. “ _ That _ is why I thought it was best to clarify."

Whizzer laughs. "Humm, being under the stars, watching the city skyline…” he rocks back and forth on his feet with a teasing smile on his face. “Especially with tonight being a full moon and all."

"Yeah, stepping on gravel and gross melting snow with about a hundred people I work with downstairs. Not a chance." He knows Whizzer is only joking… Mostly. You can never be sure with Whizzer.

Whizzer murmurs “buzzkill” under his breath as he runs a hand through his hair and puts his coat on. Marvin is busy thinking about the implications.

"So… Now that we've concluded we're  _ not _ going to have sex on this roof, any other excuse for you to come here today?" Marvin raises an eyebrow.

Whizzer glares at him, adjusting his coat. He looks almost defiant as he settles on an answer. "I happen to make terrible decisions when I'm bored, as well."

Marvin hums and nods, unconvinced. "Bored on New Year's Eve? Weren't there like a billion parties you could go to today?"

Whizzer shrugs. "There were but they're always the same," he waves it off, leaning sideways on the fence with one hand and immediately pulling back with a quiet ‘ew’ due to the melting snow atop of it. 

"Isn't every party?"

"New Year’s Eve parties are its own brand of annoying.” Whizzer steps forward to wipe his wet glove off on Marvin’s suit, which is met with little protest other than a ‘hey!’ and disapproving glare. “It's always people getting emotional over how old they're getting or reminiscing about the year or talking about 'new year's resolutions,' ugh, those are the worst."

Whizzer’s hand remains on Marvin, now examining the loose scarf around his neck. "You don't have to tell me,” Marvin retorts with a groan. “That’s all people have been talking about at this party. At least you don't have to be at an office party with a hundred corporate assholes making the same 'see you next year!' joke.” Whizzer laughs a little and Marvin smiles. They’re standing closer now. He glances at Whizzer’s hand before settling on his eyes. “But you know, Whizzer…” He looks up. “I think eventually you're going to have to admit that you like me, just a little a bit."

Whizzer looks at him for a good second before answering. "Hm, like you? I don't know about that.” He lets go of Marvin’s scarf and takes a step back. “But who knows? Buy me a new pair of shoes tomorrow and I'll check again," he smiles tauntingly.

Marvin sighs.  _ Of course. _

He turns back to the view and shakes away his insecurities. "My resolution is to not go broke with you spending all my money." He looks back at Whizzer, who’s also turned to watch the skyline once again.

"What a coincidence,  _ my _ New Year's resolution is to spend all your money." Marvin glares at him and Whizzer smiles innocently with a tilted head, showing off his dark brown eyes and long lashes. It takes effort for Marvin not to visibly swoon.  _ God, he's pretty. _

_ He can have whatever he wants from me, can’t he? _

It’s unfortunate, but it’s the truth. Marvin is starting to realize it. He needs Whizzer. And maybe Whizzer doesn’t need Marvin the way Marvin needs him, but he needs his money, and that’s something. He can have all the things he wants, as long as Marvin can have him.

The night is cold and it’s windy and it makes Marvin shiver, but Whizzer seems fine with it; seems to like it, even. He’s got a smile on his face, small but genuine. His face is a little red from the cold and his neck is stuck out, feeling the breeze on his face with closed eyes. 

He looks peaceful.

Whizzer can often be so biting that Marvin forgets how he is when he’s… Not. And Marvin likes the biting but - he likes this, too. He finds himself not minding the cold so much.

“Chanukah sameach, by the way,” Whizzer says without moving a muscle, his eyes still closed.

“Oh, thanks.” Marvin is caught by surprise, despite not knowing exactly why; he knows Whizzer is half-jewish. “You too.”

Whizzer opens his eyes to give Marvin a small smile, unpretentious, unmalicious. It’s - sweet, actually. 

“Do you celebrate?” Marvin questions with a raised eyebrow. He doesn’t think he seems like the religious type.

“Used to, when I was a kid,” he glances at Marvin for a moment but continues eyeing the view. “I still do, sometimes. Make latkes - that shit is good -, say prayers, even. But it all feels kind of pointless without a menorah.” He shrugs.

Marvin furrows his brows. “You don’t have one?”

Whizzer shakes his head. He’s always had more pressing things to spend his own money on. 

Marvin looks down at his feet, considering. “...I could get you one if you’d like.” He looks up at Whizzer.

Whizzer looks back at Marvin with brows knit together, but his expression softens with the sincerity on Marvin’s face. He closes his mouth as fast as he opens it. He doesn’t know what to say. That’s... not what he’s used to getting from relationships like these. “I would. Like it, I mean,” he only looks at Marvin out of the corner of his eye. “Thanks.”

Whizzer doesn’t look at Marvin. He looks at what’s in front of him, at the buildings, at the streets, at the lights coming from all around. The sound of the wind makes it so the silence doesn’t fill the air.

_ It’s different, isn’t it? A pair of shoes from a menorah _ _._ It’s a holiday, and it’s religion, and it’s something Marvin wants Whizzer to have, for no apparent reason other than that it matters to him. Whizzer is too impressed to be afraid of what it means. 

It’s also something else they have in common. Though they experience it in very different ways. Whizzer stares at a fixed point in the roof's view. “It must kind of suck to be here tonight instead of with your kid.” His voice is noticeably heavy, but it isn’t bitter. He means it.

Marvin’s eyes widen a little looking up at Whizzer. The mention of his son tightens his chest - but he notices the lack of resentment in Whizzer’s voice, for once. And that's something.

“It kind of does,” he agrees, quietly. Neither of them look at each other. “But we had the rest of the day to ourselves and we had time to watch the last candle burn, at least,” Marvin half-smiles with the memory. He loves that kid so fucking much. “Besides, coming here wasn’t so bad.” He looks at Whizzer - his perfect skin and small brown eyes and nose red from the cold. “I got to see you.”

Whizzer turns even more away from Marvin, a stupid smile growing on his face. He clears his throat, wiping emotion off his voice. "A little sappy for a guy you've been fucking on the side for three months b-"

"Which you said is already longer than most of your relationships-" he talks over him.

"But,” Whizzer proceeds, giving Marvin a pointed look. “I am very fun, and hot, and a pleasure to have around, so I'll let it slide.” Marvin laughs lightly and nods along. Whizzer smiles and carefully touches the snow in front of them with his forefinger. “And it’s not so bad seeing you, either,” his voice is smaller, less confident. His face starts to drop a little.” You’ve been busy lately with Chanukah, and work, and straight people shit.” If Marvin didn’t know him, he’d say Whizzer sounds hurt. “Don’t get your hopes up, though,” he promptly returns to laid-back cheekiness. “I'll probably get bored of you in like, three months tops." 

Marvin exhales. "We'll see about that," he mutters under his breath. He looks away and a small smile forms on his face. He remembers Whizzer had said the same thing, three months ago.

They fall into a comfortable silence. They can still hear the noise of the party and of the entire city celebrating, and it feels like they’re far, far away from it all; safe.

Whizzer throws his head back, staring straight at the sky. The moon is full and clear and it feels like it's scaring all the clouds away to make way for its light. "The moon is so pretty tonight."

Marvin smiles to himself. "...You know what else is pretty?"

He snaps his head at Marvin. "Marvin, I swear to God, you don't get to complain about new year dad jokes when this is what you come up with.” He tries to stiffen a smile that comes with Marvin’s cheesiness. 

Marvins laughs and steps towards him with a grin. "It was  _ right there _ , I had to say it."

Whizzer shakes his head and looks away from him on the verge of laughter. "You absolutely did not have to say it." 

Marvin approaches him and puts his hands on his hips, attempting to make him face him. "I did." Whizzer protests looking at Marvin, jokingly feigning annoyance, but eventually gives in and faces him.

They look at each other with begrudging smiles on their faces. Whizzer takes his hands off his pockets and brings Marvin closer to him by his scarf, making Marvin’s grin grow wider. They stand close together, faces inches apart. Marvin’s clear blue eyes trace Whizzer’s face carefully. He’s the most beautiful thing Marvin’s ever seen, and he wants to memorize every bit of him -, make it last. 

"... Are you just gonna stare or are you going to do something about it?" Whizzer whispers, tilting his head slightly.

Marvin exhales quietly and glances at the exit in the corner of his eye. "I wish I didn't have to go back there," he whispers back.

Whizzer shifts on his feet, eyes never leaving Marvin’s face. "It's past midnight so maybe they'll let you leave. The big event is over.” Whizzer raises an eyebrow and teases. “Wait, Marvin, did you kiss your wife at midnight? Own that’s-"

"Don't," Marvin warns with a sharp look and a sharper tone. Whizzer quietens, a trace of annoyance in his face.  _ Like he’s the one in the wrong.  _ Neither looks the other in the eye, despite still being in each other’s arms.

Whizzer concedes, as he’s usually the one to do, though he’s also usually the one to start the fights. He doesn’t even know why he brought it up, arguing wouldn’t be any fun right now. He squeezes Marvin’s forearm and rubs it with his thumb. It’s not an apology, it never is, but it’s enough, and Marvin takes it. 

"Everything there is just... So tiring,” he exhales, softening his sharp edges. He does look more tired than angry. He’s been tired for years. Marvin glances up at Whizzer with sincerity. “I wish I could've kissed you at midnight."

Whizzer’s heart skips a beat. 

_ Fuck. _

He doesn’t know what it is about Marvin. On paper he’s the same as a thousand guys Whizzer has met before; rich, and married, and desperate. But he doesn’t feel the same. The more he spends time with him the more he realizes he doesn’t feel the same at all, and Whizzer, for the life of him can’t figure out why.

“Close your eyes,” Whizzer tells him.

“...Why?”

“I’m trying to do something romantic, jackass, just - close your eyes.” 

Marvin obliges. 

Whizzer looks at him and can hear his own heartbeat.

He despises it because even if Marvin doesn’t feel like the others, that doesn’t mean he isn’t like them. Sometimes he’s worse. He can be worse and he doesn’t even know it. If Whizzer isn’t going to run the second he starts to feel things for once, why did it have to be for  _ Marvin _ ? Why does he insist on playing with fire, even when he’s getting too close?

“It’s December 31st, 1978, 11:59 pm. The countdown is about to start,” he begins quietly, putting his arms on Marvin’s shoulders, his hands meeting behind Marvin’s neck.

He despises it because he knows how it ends. Because Marvin has a wife and a son and a life that doesn’t happen in dark corners when no one’s looking. Because men like them don’t get a chance. Not to fall in love, not to live under the sun, not to have a ‘normal’ relationship. And because men like Marvin have a desperate need to be normal.

“The whole city stops, holding their breath for the start of a new year.” Marvin is smiling softly with his eyes closed. He looks beautiful.

And usually this, all of this, just makes Whizzer angry -, but tonight it feels more like grief. 

“People are chanting, ‘5-,” Whizzer’s heart is beating fast, like he hasn’t done this a million times in the last few months. This time feels different, and maybe it is. "...4-,"

He lets himself do something he hasn’t for a very long time, and he wishes things were different; both them and the world. He also lets himself do something he promises never to again, and he pretends they are.

“...3, 2-,” his voice gets lower, he can hear Marvin breathing and see every last detail on his face, which is tilted up ever so slightly. 

Whizzer promises himself that tomorrow he’ll go back to real life, no false hopes, no unrealistic dreams, no risking everything for a chance he doesn’t have. But today-

“...1.’” He closes the space between them, sealing Marvin’s lips with his own. It’s sweet and it’s honest and it’s everything they aren’t. Marvin deepens the kiss, bringing Whizzer closer to him. Whizzer revels on the feeling of Marvin's lips against his, his hands on his hips, and their bodies close together. He wishes he could stay here forever.

The kiss is short and gentle, but when Whizzer pulls away, he feels himself a little breathless. “Happy New Year, Marvin,” he whispers. Before Marvin can react, Whizzer pulls himself out of Marvin’s arms and starts walking towards the exit.

He wishes he could stay forever. But he can't. 

“Go find your wife, she must be looking for you by now.” It's not an attack, it's a reminder - for the both of them. Whizzer stops before turning the corner. “And…” He faces Marvin ever so slightly, and their eyes meet. His breathing still feels heavy. Since he'll go back to safety tomorrow, he better make tonight count. “Maybe, just a little bit - I sorta, kinda like you," he confesses, more to the floor than to Marvin himself. Every time Whizzer leaves, Marvin is afraid that he won’t come back, and Whizzer is afraid that he always will. Marvin opens his mouth but Whizzer doesn't let him speak. "See you around, Marvin.”

And just like that, he leaves, and Marvin is alone.

His mind is blank, trying to process what just happened. He looks to the vast night and inhales deeply. He rubs his hands together, already missing Whizzer’s warmth. He exhales.

His mind is blank save for one thought;  _ WhizzerWhizzerWhizzerWhizzer _ .

  


1979 is going to be an interesting year.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot belive it. I did it. I posted a Falsettos fic that isn't super depressing. This is an accomplishment dude.  
> Uhh yeah I thought of this lil fluff idea and it turned out way longer than I thought it'd be lmao. 
> 
> I edited this so many times I can simply not tell if it's good or not, so let me know what you think, and thanks for reading <3
> 
> Title from Fireside by Arctic Monkeys


End file.
